went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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