i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
