I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
