That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
