After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
