We named our party play list daddy issues
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
