a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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