My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
