rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize