all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
