he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
