Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
