I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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