That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
