id be glad to
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
