I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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