Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
