So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
