I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
