.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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