i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
