he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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