playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize