At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize