I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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