im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
