I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
