no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
