you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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