I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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