I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
