apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
