pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
