bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
