I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
