jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
