Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
