is your mom at the bar?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
