I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just googled if crying burns calories
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
