u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
