so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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