I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
