if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize