all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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