if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
