She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
