But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
