Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
