found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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