Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize