mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
4 words: hood of his car
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
