Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
