Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
