totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
