i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
