My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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