if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Mom said you looked used
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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