Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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