Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
