So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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