So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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