WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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