if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
