Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
