At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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